


Ask Nana

by Tinywriterfairy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Acceptance, Agony Aunt Na Jaemin, Alternate Universe - College/University, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Coming Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Matchmaking, Mentioned Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Mentioned Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Mentioned Nakamoto Yuta, Mentioned Qian Kun, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Xiao De Jun | Xiaojun, Minor Lee Jeno / Liu Yangyang, Minor Mark Lee / Kim Jungwoo, Minor Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery, Queerplatonic Relationships, Secret Identity, Self-Acceptance, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21615649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinywriterfairy/pseuds/Tinywriterfairy
Summary: Na Jaemin is a flirt, they say. He's so friendly and helpful, seen with everyone. He must be fickle; someone who seems kind to everyone can't really care about anyone.Nana is everyone's advisor through the university newspaper. They know everyone's secrets and give the sweetest advice. No one knows who they are.So, who is Jaemin?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 190
Collections: Make Me Feel - A Multifandom Secret Virgin Fic Fest





	Ask Nana

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading!! This Jaemin is very close to my heart, please be nice to him 🥺️. Also Renjun best boy. Thank you so much to my beta readers for helping me make sense of this!!! And to the person whose fault it is that this got written (you know who you are), I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

Dear Nana,

I’m having a little dilemma. One of my friends is really cute and I can’t stop looking at her. I’ve never thought of myself as anything but straight, but I really can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t want to bring it up to my friends until I’m sure, but I don’t know how to be sure without doing something I might regret? Basically, I don’t know what to do. Can you help?

Sincerely,

_Very Confused_

Dear Very,

I understand your confusion, believe me. The first inklings that your area of interest might not be what you expected can be really confusing and sometimes scary. I’m glad you’re aware enough to know what’s confusing you! You don’t have to ask this girl out or even do anything big in order to figure out what you’re feeling. Unless there’s some reason to figure things out quickly, you don’t need to rush. You could just spend time around her and start to puzzle out what it is you’re feeling around her. But if you want to explore outside of your potential attraction to this one girl, you have options! There are lots of women around you—do any of them draw your eye? Do you have any celebrity crushes? Basically, is it just this one girl you’re drawn to, or more? There are so many answers you could find, don’t be in a rush to get to them. You’re valid no matter what answer you come to. Please remember, even if it’s confusing, I love and support you, and there are many people around you who will love and support you as well.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin tapped the door frame with his folder. The news team members who were still sitting around cut off their conversation to turn to him. “Sorry to interrupt. I have this week’s column for you, hyung.” It had taken longer than he wanted to finish, but all of the questions were about crushes. He held back a grimace. At least one had been about questioning sexuality; he could speak on that.

“Thanks, Jaemin.” Taeyong came around his desk to retrieve the folder. “You’re not interrupting, we were actually just talking about you.”

“You were?” Jaemin stepped away from the door to let Johnny and Sicheng pass him, cameras swinging as they slipped by. “What’s up?”

He had thought that Ten was napping on the windowsill, but apparently he was just soaking in the afternoon sun, because he spoke up instead of Taeyong. “Why is your column “Ask Nana?” It’s obviously from your name, but why not just call the column “Ask Jaemin?”

Jaemin had wondered when they would ask. He shrugged, playing casual. “I prefer the anonymity.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Partly, I just don’t want people asking me questions about all this in public—the advice I give, or whatever. Partly, it feels like people would be different if they knew who they were writing to. This way, since it’s anonymous readers writing in to an anonymous advisor, they can be honest and I can be honest and we don’t have to worry about identities.” Plus, his own reputation might discredit him, never mind that it was all untrue. The university’s news office was unfortunately placed with enough windows on all sides such that the sun always found them. Ten liked it too much to let anyone close the blinds, so Jaemin had to move along the wall to avoid being blinded by the glare off of Jungwoo, Doyoung, and Yuta’s computers.

Ten blinked. “Why does that sound cute coming from you when I would absolutely find it pretentious from anyone else?”

Jaemin put on his most winning smile. “Because I’m me?”

Ten scoffed, but even he couldn’t hide a smile. Taeil coughed. “Be careful, or your charm will get you into trouble some day.”

“I promise, I’m very careful.”

“Sure.” Several of them scoffed. He didn’t want to know what made them do that.

Jaemin laughed. “Anyway, I should get going. I’m supposed to meet my friends for lunch. Let me know if there’s anything else you want me to do?”

Taeyong waved. “I’ll do that. Thanks again.”

Jaemin waved to the rest on his way out. Ten and Taeil waved back. The others were probably working on assignments. Jaehyun’s backpack sat in Yuta’s chair, but the man himself had disappeared somewhere (he wasn’t really supposed to be in the office anyway, as a non-news member). He slipped out of the communications building through the side door. Winter was finally giving way to spring, so Jaemin didn’t need as thick of a coat, but the flowers hadn’t arrived to make the cold worth it. Jaemin trekked across campus, cutting through the arts building’s open courtyard to get to the dining hall. Since it had warmed up, they met in the little courtyard outside.

When he arrived, Mark, Jeno, and Renjun were laughing at something Donghyuck had said, based on the proud glint in his gaze. Dejun had his head in a book. Yangyang was still halfway across the courtyard. Jaemin sat in the empty space next to Renjun, who slid him a tupperware container full of sliced fruit. “Thank you.”

Renjun shrugged, digging into his own portion. “It wasn’t hard to save you some.” He was smiling, though, when Jaemin peeked. 

“Hmm.” Jaemin cradled the container in his palm. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Yukhei and Kunhang are still in class, we think.” Dejun didn’t look up from his book. Donghyuck glanced at him. “Chenle and Jisung disappeared somewhere.”

Yangyang took the seat on Jaemin’s other side, high-fiving him. “What was so funny? It looked like Mark was about to pass out.” 

Donghyuck grinned. “I was just retelling some of my terrible first date stories.”

“Oh, no.”

“What terrible first date stories?” Yangyang leaned onto the table. “Are they funny?”

“Oh, right, you wouldn’t know, you weren’t here to see these.” Donghyuck launched into the first story again. It was Jaemin’s least favorite, not only because most of Donghyuck’s bad dates ended with him upset even if he could joke about it later. 

“So, I'm at Starbucks when this guy starts hitting on me. And he’s hot, and actually pretty nice about it, so I figured why not, right?”

Yangyang nodded. “Sure. It’s worth a shot.”

“Right? Because who goes to the effort of hitting on someone while they’re getting coffee if they don’t mean it?” Donghyuck’s grin almost made up for the sarcasm. “So I get dressed up, and we go out to dinner, and then to a club. It’s fine, it’s fun, we’re making out and he wants me to come home with him. So far, so good, right?”

Yanyang leaned back. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“Not a but.” Donghyuck set his elbows on the table. “So we get to his place and his roommate, who was supposed to be gone, is already screwing someone on the couch.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, I’m not done yet. The roommate doesn’t want to stop, and instead of, I don’t know, taking me somewhere else or trying to set up another date, he thinks it’s perfectly normal to start kissing me right there?”

Yangyang gave a shocked laugh. “This cannot be normal behavior.”

“Oh, it wasn’t. Which is why I smacked him and got out of there.” Donghyuck snorted. “The funny part is how we kept running into each other in random places after, like the Starbucks, and every time he saw me his face would get all red like he finally realized what he’d done.”

Jaemin laughed along by habit. No one ever noticed the difference. He got out his lunch. Renjun put his hand on Jaemin’s arm; Jaemin turned. Renjun peered up at him with a small crease between his brows. “How are you?”

Jaemin grinned. “I’m good, how are you?”

Renjun cocked his head. “I’m fine. Is that all you want to say?”

“What else would I want to say? It’s been a good day? I got a project done at my internship and now I get to see all of you for lunch.” He pulled out a fork. “Are you looking for something else?”

Renjun shook his head. “No, that’s all. I’m glad.”

“What about you?” Yangyang leaned on him, still laughing. Jaemin nudged him just slightly so he could eat his food properly. “How’s your day been?”

“Aside from my professor going on about metaphysics for a little too long, fine.”

“How long is too long?”

Renjun informed him not only exactly how long was too long, but what the professor had said and why it annoyed him a bit. When he wound down, Yukhei and Kunhang were running up and talking over each other to explain where they had been. It was cute, how the two of them could barely look at each other while trying to explain the exact same thing. It made him want to sit them down and help, but at the same time wrap them both in blankets and keep them safe from the potential embarrassment they could cause themselves. Jeno had turned to tell Mark about something as soon as Yangyang arrived. Jaemin hoped that didn’t mean what he suspected; Yangyang was a good guy, but equally as chaotic as boys Jeno regretted talking to before. Donghyuck was still whining about not getting good dates, though now Dejun stared at him almost sadly.

“You know what might help with that?” Jaemin tossed a grape at him. “Stop going on dates with people before you get to know them.”

Donghyuck sneered playfully. “And when was the last time you went on a date?”

Never. His stomach dropped, but he kept his face in check. He raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I’m taking my own advice.”

Donghyuck looked thoughtful. “You might have a point.”

He gasped. “What, me?”

Donghyuck laughed. “Seriously, though, that’s probably why people think you sleep around, because they don’t see you sticking to one person.”

“So because I’m not interested in dating someone specific, I must be a player?” He didn’t even want to go on a date. Jaemin picked at his food. The whole mess seemed like such a hassle. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“People don’t make any sense.” Yukhei poked Donghyuck from a few spots away. He turned and got pulled into a conversation about a mutual classmate. Renjun poked Jaemin. He smiled back. Renjun eyed him before turning back to his food.

Jeno wandered over after they had finished eating and were scattering for afternoon classes. “Did I hear you right this morning, about your class?”

“Yeah, it got canceled.” Jaemin slung his bag over his shoulder. “Are you ready to go?”

Renjun looked up, frowning. “Are you going home?”

“Yeah, since class got canceled I’m going to use the time to fight out that group project the professor assigned us.” And maybe a few more of the advice column questions, if he could work his way through the long logic tree some of them required.

Renjun didn’t drop the frown. “Are you sure you shouldn’t rest?”

Jaemin ruffled Renjun’s hair. Renjun jerked away, grumbling. His ears looked a little pink as he fixed his hair; was he that irritated by it? “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

Renjun finished patting down his hair. “I can’t not worry, have you met me?” He waved them off. “Go on, then. I have to get to class.” He got up to follow their other friends away.

Jeno hooked his elbow through Jaemin’s to pull him away. They headed toward their apartment on the edge of campus. It wasn’t much, just a small two-bedroom student apartment, but they didn’t need much space. Jaemin unlocked the door and let Jeno pass before he went in. Jeno went right to the kitchen.

“Oh, so this is what you do while I’m in class?” Jaemin leaned in the doorway while Jeno rooted around for snacks. “Eat all our snacks.”

“Listen, you, I didn’t eat breakfast because I was trying to make my 8am. It’s not my fault you have classes in the afternoon. I planned that on purpose.”

Jaemin snorted. “I’d rather be able to sleep in, thanks.” He pushed off the wall. “I’m going to go see what I can do about my group project.”

“Eesh. Good luck.” Jeno dropped his bag of chips on the counter. He gave Jaemin a side hug. 

“What was that for?” Jaemin hugged him back anyway. “Luck on my project?”

“Nah, you just looked like you needed your daily dose of affection.” Jeno grinned up at him.

Jaemin shoved him off gently. “Go eat your snacks. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

“Sure.”

Jaemin slipped down the hall to his room. One of his favorite parts about moving off-campus had been getting his own room. It was a pretty small room, just big enough to give him some walking space after setting up his bed and desk next to each other by his window, but he got to choose where everything went and put up posters of places he’d like to visit instead of pop stars and no one questioned it. He dropped his bag on the end of his bed, pulled out his laptop, and set up to document for his group project. It was a nightmare, and they’d barely started. He gave up trying to herd the others after ten minutes and switched to his questions. 

So many of them were about crushes, or sex. A few were academic. He could answer any of them—he’d had to, in the beginning, and now he understood the process, even if the question confused him—but he wanted to answer something more personal today. Jaemin refreshed the inbox. Questions came in anonymously, through slips of paper at the news office or through the online “mailbox” that only received questions. A few new questions popped up. One caught his eye: from _Scared to talk_. Jaemin clicked on it. He had to read the question twice to be sure he understood it. He’d found his question for the day. 

***

Dear Nana,

I’m trying not to have a fight with one of my friends, but I don’t know who I can talk to about it. They said something that upset me the other day, but the rest of my friends seemed to agree with them, so I didn’t want to say anything and start a fight. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I don’t want to put down a quote here because I think they might figure out that it’s me, but it was about sex, which isn’t a subject I’m very comfortable with. I don’t even know how I would bring it up to them?

Sincerely,

_Scared to talk_

Dear Scared,

First of all, I’m so sorry you’re in such an uncomfortable situation with your friends. It sucks to feel like you cannot bring something up to someone you feel close to.

Now, about your worry. I understand why you didn’t want to bring up the specifics, but without them some of this may not be the best advice. If this is a topic you’re uncomfortable with that comes up every once in a while, you could ease into it the next time sex comes up and segue into “this isn’t something I’m comfortable talking about in this way.” If it’s more often than that, or if you’re feeling seriously uncomfortable all the time, I think that speaks to a deeper communication problem with your friends. If you do want to talk it out with them, it might get hard. But you deserve to not be uncomfortable in your environment. Whatever you decide, I love and support you.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Renjun flipped through a copy of the student newspaper while he waited for Jaemin. The library was quiet. The few students studying at other tables were much more invested in studying than Renjun. He couldn't focus on his books when Jaemin wasn't there. Renjun turned the page, to the “ask Nana” column.

Dear Nana,

I’m having a little dilemma. One of my friends is really cute and I can’t stop looking at her. I’ve never thought of myself as anything but straight, but I really can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t want to bring it up to my friends until I’m sure, but I don’t know how to be sure without doing something I might regret? Basically, I don’t know what to do. Can you help?

Sincerely,

_Very Confused_

Poor thing; Renjun could remember being that confused. Nana’s response followed:

Dear Very,

I understand your confusion, believe me. The first inklings that your area of interest might not be what you expected can be really confusing and sometimes scary. I’m glad you’re aware enough to know what’s confusing you! You don’t have to ask this girl out or even do anything big in order to figure out what you’re feeling. Unless there’s some reason to figure things out quickly, you don’t need to rush. You could just spend time around her and start to get a feel for what it is you’re feeling around her. But if you want to explore outside of your potential attraction to this one girl, you have options! There are lots of women around you—do any of them draw your eye? Do you have any celebrity crushes? Basically, is it just this one girl you’re drawn to, or more? There are so many answers you could find, don’t be in a rush to get to them. You’re valid no matter what answer you come to. Please remember, even if it’s confusing, I love and support you, and there are many people around you who will love and support you as well.

Love,

_Nana_

Renjun drummed his fingers on the table. Something wasn’t right—hadn’t been for a while. “Nana” sounded like Jaemin—the way he tried to make everyone feel supported and loved, the advice he gave—not to mention “Nana” sounded a lot like his surname. But Jaemin hadn’t told any of them. Why wouldn’t he mention something like this? He slouched in his chair. Was it something he wanted to keep secret? Renjun traced the name on the newspaper. There was the internship he never wanted to talk about. Maybe that was it?

Renjun flipped the newspaper over when he spotted Jaemin coming. There was no need to confront him with it just yet. Jaemin took the seat across the table from him. Their legs brushed. Renjun fought down his blush at the contact through sheer force of practice.

“What are you doing?” Jaemin asked as he set up his laptop. “Don’t you have a test soon?”

“I still have time.” Renjun waved the newspaper. “I was reading the paper.”

“Oh?” Jaemin seemed a little tense. “The whole thing?”

“Yeah.” Renjun set it down. “Mostly the actual news, though.”

Jaemin relaxed. He grinned. “Aren’t the reporters great? The photographers, too. I think we’ve got a great news team this year.”

Suspicious. Renjun bent to pull his textbook out of his bag. “They are pretty great, yeah.” 

With Jaemin here and working—Renjun peeked over the edge of the computer to see Jaemin battling his semester's project group in their shared document—Renjun had to focus on his history book. He lost track of time, focusing on names and dates, only to jolt back to reality every time Jaemin's leg brushed his.

Jaemin's classmate Sungjin stopped by their table. “Hey, Jaemin.”

Jaemin turned with a happy smile. “Hey. How did your conference go?”

“It was good.” They chatted for a bit. Renjun kept studying. It wasn’t really any of his business. Sungjin glanced at Renjun and stepped closer to the table, lowering his voice. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Jaemin perked up, leaning in.

Renjun kept his head down in his textbook. They thought they were being quiet, but Renjun could still hear him asking about some group project they had for their shared class, something about his group not wanting to do any work.

Jaemin nodded along, watching Sungjin like his story was the most interesting part of Jaemin's day. “You want my honest opinion?”

“Yeah.”

“I think you should just tell them. It’s not going to get any better if you just do it for them. Of course, that depends on how safe you feel doing that. If they’re just going to screw you over, I can see why you wouldn’t want to.”

He shook his head. “No, you’re right. I’m just nervous to actually do it.”

Jaemin put his hand on Sungjin's arm. “I think it’ll be okay, but I support you no matter which choice you make.”

There it was. Renjun glanced at the column left facing up on the table. “I love and support you.” He always ended like that. But why would Jaemin need to hide it?

Jaemin waved as Sungjin headed out. Hopefully, he would actually take Jaemin’s advice. Renjun propped his chin on his hand. “Does that not get tiring?”

“What?”

He waved after Jaemin’s classmate. “Taking care of everyone like that. It’s a good thing, but doesn’t it get tiring?”

Jaemin shrugged. “Sometimes, but it’s much more rewarding to see people be happy, even if I’m a little tired.”

“Aren’t you sweet.”

He grinned, already looking back to his computer. “I try.” It really was such a nice smile. 

“But, what I’m hearing is that you don’t want to say no to people.”

“I mean.” Jaemin checked something in his notebook. “Not if I don’t have to. Is that bad?”

Renjun shook his head. “You need a sounding board who’s not afraid to tell you no.”

“Aww, are you worried about me?” Jaemin teased.

“Shut up.” Renjun went back to hits textbook. There was no need to say anything. If Jaemin wanted anyone to know, he would tell them some day. Until then, as with plenty of other things concerning Jaemin, Renjun would keep his mouth shut and observe.

***

Jaemin did his best to balance school, work, and the newspaper, but every so often things tipped one way or the other. After the last few weeks of classes kicking his ass, the “ask Nana” questions were piling up. Jaemin kept the sheets in his bag when he was out so Renjun, Yangyang, Mark, and Dejun wouldn’t spot them in the study room they occupied, but one of the questions just wouldn’t leave him alone.

Jaemin set down his pen during a lull in conversation. “Question.”

“Answer,” Dejun shot back. He glanced up with a small smile. “What is it?”

“Someone asked me about sex the other day.”

“Like, they asked you for tips?” Yangyang cocked his head. Renjun snorted, but kept his gaze locked on his notes.

“No, not like that, just what I thought about it in general. They seemed concerned that theirs doesn’t match up with other people’s.”

“So what’s the question?” Mark fiddled with his pen, looking like he was trying not to blush. 

“If someone told you they don’t like sex, what would you say?”

“That they’re not having it with the right people?”

“Or those people just aren’t doing it right?”

Jaemin’s insides clenched. There it was, the exact reason he kept his mouth shut. What would they think of him if they knew he didn’t care about sex the way they did? The study room, big enough for all of them, felt tiny and hot. He related to the question more than he had realized. Would they even understand if he said something about it?

“Have you considered,” Renjun said without looking up, “that maybe it doesn’t matter who the person is, they just don’t like sex at all? Not everyone has to.”

Jaemin’s insides loosened as the others agreed that Renjun had a point. Maybe all wasn’t lost. He put his hand over Renjun's in thanks before he went back to his homework. Renjun glanced at him. He always seemed to know Jaemin’s moods. Jaemin plastered on a smile. Renjun shouldn’t have to worry about him.

“So, Mark, when are you going to let Jungwoo know you exist?” Renjun asked. “If you’re spending so much time mooning over him.”

Mark whined as the rest of them laughed. Teasing Mark over his crush was an easy topic, and Jaemin slid right back into it. He nudged Renjun in thanks, even if Renjun didn’t know what he was being thanked for. Renjun smiled at him before turning back to the conversation. Jaemin jotted a note for the question.

***

Dear Nana,

I think I might not like sex? I never really get the jokes that people make about it. It doesn’t hurt, and I don’t hate it or anything, but I don’t ever really think about it unless someone is hitting on me. I tried to talk to my friends about it, but they didn’t really understand what I was saying. Have you ever heard of something like this? Do you know what’s going on with me?

Sincerely,

_Lost and Confused_

Dear Lost,

Sex is confusing for everyone. We just all pretend to get it. I think that’s where all the jokes come from. There’s no one right answer for this, just as there’s no one right answer about who you’re attracted to. I can’t tell you what’s going on with you for sure because that answer is up to you. What I can tell you is that if you think you’re experiencing something, you probably are. That’s valid, even if your friends don’t quite get it. You might have a low libido, or you might just not be very interested in sex, or you could be sex-repulsed. If you’re not forcing yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable, then you have all the time in the world to figure things out. Look into your options and see what feels best to you. I support you no matter what you decide.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jungwoo wrapped an arm around Jaemin’s shoulders to drag him out the door when the older news members started to leave. “Come on,” he said. “You’ve been working too hard lately. You can have a little fun with us.”

Jaemin finished closing his bag as they walked. Jungwoo did have a point. “As long as I can still meet my friends for lunch.”

“That’s fine.”

He relaxed into Jungwoo’s side as they headed out. He didn’t mind, but Jungwoo was one of his cuddlier friends. They didn’t have to go far; the space in front of the communications building was practically a park, complete with wooden picnic tables scattered around. They piled onto one.

“So.” Johnny leaned across the table once they had gotten settled. “How have you been? Any dates we should hear about?”

He smiled, shrugged. “I’m not really into that right now.”

Jungwoo wandered away to dispose of some trash. Jaemin wrapped his arms around himself. “How are things going with Kun?” He asked Sicheng.

Sicheng rolled his eyes. “He’s stubborn. We’ll get there eventually.”

“You mean you’ll make him sit down and listen eventually?” Johnny asked. Ten apparently thought the other two photographers on the team made a good picture, because he started snapping some with his camera.

“Speaking of friends,” Jungwoo said as he came to sit back next to Jaemin, “I’m curious about something.”

“What is it?” Jaemin scooted a little to let Jungwoo in.

He set a hand on Jaemin’s shoulder. “That one friend of yours,” Jungwoo gestured vaguely with the other hand. “The cute one with the glasses? Who is he? I see him around campus sometimes, with or without you, and sometimes it feels like he’s watching me.”

Jaemin laughed and laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

He waved it off. “Oh, it’s nothing.” Mark would die if he heard this conversation. Jaemin would wait for the best opportunity to let him know. “That’s Mark. He’s in your year, engineering major. We went to high school together.”

“Really?” Jungwoo tilted his head to the side. “Interesting.”

“Why do we never see your friends around?” Ten asked. He shoved Johnny until the taller boy moved where Ten wanted him to. “I mean, around campus, sure, but they never come visit you.”

He should have known they would ask eventually. Jaemin fiddled with the strap of his bag. “That’s because they don’t know that I’m with the newspaper. They know I’m doing an internship, but I never actually mentioned what it was for.”

“Why not?” Taeil set down his water bottle. “Is there a problem?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No problem. I just don’t want to have to explain the “ask Nana” thing, and the more who know, the more likely it is that someone spills the beans.”

“But.” Sicheng grabbed a water bottle from Taeil. “Are your friends that bad at keeping secrets?”

Jaemin laughed. “Something like that. For now, it’s just easier if Nana is anonymous.” He checked the time. There were still a few minutes. Jaemin got off the bench to dust himself off. “And Nana needs to go to lunch. I’ll see you all later.” They waved him off.

He used the walk over to try to relax. The first flowers were starting to bloom. Jaemin took it as a good sign. He was a tad early to the dining hall’s courtyard, but so was Mark. Jaemin waved as he approached and took a seat across from him. He set his bag on the next seat over for Renjun. “How are you doing?”

Mark practically shot across the table, eyes wide. “What were you doing with the newspaper students?”

“Huh?” What had he seen? Jaemin gripped the strap of his bag.

“Earlier.” Mark waved the way Jaemin had come. “Out by the picnic tables. You seemed pretty comfortable with the team running the student newspaper. You never said you knew them?”

“Oh.” He breathed the panic away. “Did I not mention it? Taeyong-hyung was in the writing elective I took as a freshman, do you remember? We hit it off and he ended up introducing me to his friends. They’re pretty cool.” It wasn’t even a lie. He just left out what it had led to.

“Ah, that makes sense.” Mark sagged. Then he shot back up. “But! That doesn’t explain the other thing I saw.”

Anything other than Nana, he could deal with. “What else did you see?”

Mark pointed at him. “You, all cuddled up with Jungwoo. I didn’t know you knew him and you’ve been letting me cry about him! Are you trying to steal my crush?”

Jaemin laughed, though it stung. “I’m not going to steal your crush, calm down.” His or anyone’s. “Is there something you want to know?”

“Does he know how I am? Does he have a crush on anyone? What’s his favorite food?” Mark went on for a bit before Jaemin covered his mouth.

“If he has a crush on anyone, he hasn’t told me about it. He likes pad thai, but you didn’t hear it from me.” He pursed his lips. This might be an even better time than in front of everyone. “He asked about you earlier.”

“What?!”

Jaemin nodded. “When we were at the benches. He was curious about “ my one friend with the glasses” because you’re always looking at him whenever you pass each other by.”

Mark groaned, dropping his head to the table. “Kill me now.”

Jaemin pet his hair. “It’s okay, hyung, you can win him over if you just talk to him.”

“That is an unrealistic expectation.”

Jaemin laughed. Mark was much too hard on himself. It would have been sweet if he weren’t a little concerned. Jungwoo might be good for him.

Mark sat up. Jaemin brought his hand back. Mark stared at him. “Are you good?”

Jaemin cocked his head. “What do you bean mean?”

“You seemed a little tense earlier.” Mark leaned in again. “Is everything okay? I know you don't like complaining, but I'm here if you want to talk.”

Jaemin reached over to pinch Mark’s cheek. “You’re so sweet, you know that? I have the group project from hell, but other than that I think I'm fine.”

Mark let him complain about the project as their friends trickled in with food. It was nice.

***

Dear Nana,

I failed a test this week and I don't know how to tell my parents. I hate my major, but they think it's really important. How do I tell them I don't want to do this?

Sincerely,

_Struggling_

Dear Struggling,

I'm sorry you're stuck doing something you hate. I think you have a few questions to ask yourself. First, do they need to know about your grade? If they're not going to see your overall grades, then you may not need to tell them about one test. Second, do you hate your major enough or have something you love enough to want to change it? Third, would your parents be receptive to you bringing it up? Fourth, are you willing to deal with the potential fallout of them not approving of your decision? If the answer to any of those is yes, then I think you should talk to them. It's your life to live, and if you're willing and ready to take that step, do it. It's fine if you aren't ready.

You know your parents best. Will they listen if you talk about your feelings? Do you need to make a case for yourself? Whatever you need to convince them that you're serious, prepare it first. They may not like what you have to say. Some of that can be remedied with your argument, but they may simply not agree with you. Please, if you think they will refuse or cut you off, be prepared to take care of yourself.

I support you, whatever you decide on.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin had never liked parties, no matter what anyone said. He followed Mark into a stranger’s house only because his friends would be there. Jeno had left the apartment first, but Jaemin couldn’t spot him in the house. They found Donghyuck pretty quickly. He didn’t look like he was having fun. When asked, all he would say was that Dejun hadn’t wanted to come. That was interesting. Jaemin got himself a bottle of water to go with his alcohol and let Donghyuck lead them to Renjun, Jeno, and Yangyang.

Renjun was sandwiched between their friends, looking supremely annoyed as the two conversed over his head. _Save me_, he mouthed when they got close enough. Donghyuck only laughed at him and pulled Jaemin to sit next to him. Mark attempted to extricate Renjun and ended up sitting next to him at one end of the couch while the other two squished closer together on their own.

“So, what made you decide to come with us?” Donghyuck asked. He had to lean up for Jaemin to catch it. “I know you don’t like parties much.”

Jaemin shrugged. “You’re all here. Besides, my choices were this party or my group project.”

“And you’ll do anything to avoid that.” Donghyuck laughed. “That’s fair.” He cocked his head. “Why _don’t_ you like parties, anyway?”

Jaemin wrinkled his nose. “Too noisy, too many people all together.” Too many people trying to hit on him, too many people making assumptions. “But they’re not the worst.”

Donghyuck hummed.

“So.” Jaemin scooted closer. “You want to tell me why you looked so upset about Dejun not coming? He hates parties more than I do.”

Donghyuck played with his drink. “I’m not blind, Jaem. I see the way he looks at me.”

“So?”

“So … maybe I’m thinking about taking your advice.” He took a drink. “But he has to admit it first.”

Jaemin needed his own drink of water after his laughter turned into a coughing fit. “You know he’s terrible at that, right?”

Donghyuck smirked. “Maybe that’s the fun part.”

They talked for a bit longer, but Donghyuck abandoned him to dance when the music changed. Some of their classmates migrated over. Jeno and Yangyang still seemed to be locked in their own awkward little bubble. It was cute. Mark and Renjun had found something interesting to talk about, though both glanced over to check on him. Jaemin just waved them off. Sungjin had solved the problem with his group project, apparently, and made good company for the time being. Though he and their other classmates only seemed to want to talk about sex. Jaemin toyed with a bottle of beer as the conversation went on. The group had moved on to comparing stories of their own prowess. He didn’t have anything to contribute, didn’t even want to. It wasn’t like they would notice, in a group of ten people.

Sungjin turned to him. “Tell us, Jaemin. How many people have you slept with?”

The alcohol felt like sludge in his veins, but fire on his tongue. “Two, maybe? Or a hundred. Or none at all. Does it matter? Will you think differently of me if I tell you I've had sex with a hundred people, or two people, or none? You shouldn’t. But it does matter, doesn’t it?” He stood. “I’m not really in the mood to play along. Sorry.” He stepped around them to head outside. Most of his classmates seemed confused, watching him go, but Jeno and Yangyang both looked stricken. He couldn’t look at the other end of the couch.

The cool air helped clear his head. Jaemin sat on the back steps. Those were cold, too. He had really messed that one up, hadn’t he? He picked at the label on his drink bottle. He should have just smiled and passed it off like always. He shouldn’t have opened the can of worms that his opinions of sex would bring.

The door slid open behind him, and someone came to sit next to him on the steps. “Are you feeling okay?” Renjun asked.

Jaemin kept picking at the bottle label. He shrugged. “Just feeling like I opened a can of worms that didn’t need to be bothered with.”

Renjun nudged him. “You were sharing an opinion. There’s nothing wrong with that. And you’re not wrong, either. They could all do with a little more to think about.”

The smile he put on was probably sad. Jaemin set aside his bottle. “That’s what I get for drinking at a party, anyway.”

Renjun seemed to be thinking very hard about something. He reached for Jaemin and pulled until Jaemin’s head rested on Renjun’s shoulder. It was awkward at first, until Jaemin slid down the stair to even out their heights. He was just so tired. Jaemin let himself sink into the comfort Renjun offered. He didn’t ask anything, didn’t try to talk, just let Jaemin lean on him and stroked his hair. It made him feel like things would be okay.

***

Renjun knocked on Jaemin’s door and was told, “it’s unlocked.” He let himself in. Jaemin and Jeno had been lucky enough to move themselves off campus, into a small apartment. It was a simple place, two bedrooms right off the living space and open kitchen, but they didn’t really need more. It was more space than Renjun’s dorm, anyway. Jaemin stretched out on his couch with a notebook, pen, and a sheaf of paper in his lap. Renjun had never understood why he liked writing by hand so much.

“Hi.” Jaemin perked up and waved at him. “How’s it going?”

“Am I interrupting you? Where’s Jeno?”

Jaemin shook his head and gathered his papers. “Jeno’s out third-wheeling Yukhei and Kunhang. I was stuck anyway. It’s a distraction, but you might be helping me.”

“Glad to be of service.” Renjun sat next to him. The notebook covered the papers, but he thought he saw a “Nana” on one. Maybe it was a sign. “Anything interesting?”

Jaemin played with the pen. “Internship work. I’m just a little stuck on how to answer this question.”

Definitely a sign. “About that.” Renjun turned to lean against the couch facing Jaemin. “I came over to tell you something, after what happened at the party?”

Jaemin tensed; he barely moved, but Renjun had practice reading him for tells. “What about what happened at the party?”

Renjun waved a hand. “It doesn’t have much to do with the party, I just decided to tell you after that. I thought it might be helpful.”

“So what is it?” As he usually did when he felt conflicted, Jaemin wouldn’t look up. It was a shame. Renjun would have liked to see his reaction. Well, he always liked looking at Jaemin.

“I know you’re Nana,” Renjun said carefully. “With the “Ask Nana” column.” He held up a finger as Jaemin startled. “I’m not mad, and I’m not asking. I figured it out myself, but I don’t think anyone else has, or would. You don’t have to tell me anything. I just wanted you to know that I’m here if you want to talk to someone. It seems like you could use that.”

Jaemin sat frozen. Renjun waited for him to process. Even in shock, Jaemin would make a very pretty statue. He would prefer a moving Jaemin, though. Renjun picked at a loose thread on the couch.

Jaemin pursed his lips. “I could use some help with this question.”

Renjun breathed easier; he held out a hand. “Let me see.”

Jaemin passed over the papers. It felt like a bigger gesture. Renjun pulled them close. The question asked about getting their crush to notice them. Jaemin’s notes were scribbled all around it, things like “just talk to them?” “Honesty,” and “how tf do I even know?”

That was an interesting note. Renjun tapped the papers with a finger. “You’ve gotten questions about crushes before, right?”

“Yeah, but.” He shrugged. “I’ve never been good with these. I would avoid the questions, but then I'd feel bad for not trying to help them.”

He could circle back to that. “I think you’re onto something here.” Renjun waved the papers. “Generally speaking, if someone has a crush and wants to do something about it, the best thing to do _is_ just tell them.” Was he a hypocrite? Not if he didn’t intend to do anything about his crush.

“Good point.” Jaemin took the papers back. “Thank you, Injunnie.”

“Of course.” Renjun relaxed into the couch, warm and happy as Jaemin set to work answering his column.

***

Dear Nana,

I have a crush on my friend. I don’t think he realizes, though our other friends do. I’ve been told I’m not the subtlest of people. I’m usually really forward with people I like, but there’s something about this boy that makes me shy? I guess. He’s a little different from people I’ve been interested in before, and it’s so nice. I just want him to like me, too. Do you know how I could go about getting his attention?

Sincerely,

_Help_

Dear Help,

Do you think your friend is oblivious or just shy like you? I think you’re the best person to judge your situation, but generally, the best thing to do is be honest. There’s some risk in telling people how you feel—you could be rejected or hurt—but if you like your friend this much, they’re probably close enough to you to be gentle with your feelings. If they know how you feel, they’ll definitely notice you, and maybe they like you back!

Of course, confessing is a big step, so you don’t have to do it all at once if you’re not ready. You can work up to it! But I think ultimately you’ll both feel better when the truth is out? Remember that I support you no matter what!

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin played with his pen while Renjun puttered around the kitchen. What was supposed to be a study session at his apartment had turned into fun and snacks as soon as an opportunity arose. Remnants of both scattered the coffee table, plates mixing with notebooks and Renjun’s laptop. Renjun came back with a large bag of chips and some drinks. He set everything out on the coffee table and plopped next to Jaemin. Their sides brushed. Ever since the party, Renjun had made it a point to return or initiate the kind of contact Jaemin gave his friends. It was nice not to be the only one reaching out.

“What is it?” Renjun poked Jaemin in the arm.

“Huh?”

Renjun put his hand over Jaemin’s on the pen. “You only do this when you’re nervous about something. What is it?”

“I wouldn’t say nervous exactly.” Jaemin set down the pen. “I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“How did you figure out it was me?” Jaemin gestured vaguely in the direction of campus. “The column.”

“Oh.” Renjun took his hand back and sat straight. “Honestly, the name was what got me thinking.”

“Nana?”

“Yeah. Not in a suspicious way, I just noticed that it was similar to your name. But then I started reading the column more and I noticed the advice you give there sounds a lot like you. It’s not exactly the things you say to people, but it’s the same voice.”

Jaemin dropped his head onto Renjun’s shoulder briefly. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that, too. I’m just not sure how to stop.”

“I don’t think you need to. Anyway, you never talk about your internship except to complain about paperwork, so it seemed like you could be doing something you just didn’t want to talk about.” Renjun took a drink of water. “I didn’t put it together until I heard you giving Sungjin some advice, and you used almost the exact same words you always sign off with in those letters.”

Jaemin groaned. “What an error.”

Renjun shrugged. “It’s not like anything bad comes out of my knowing, you know. I just figured you’d say something if you wanted people to know. But then you seemed stressed at the party and I thought it might help if you had someone to talk to.”

Jaemin hugged him. “Thanks. It means a lot.” He hadn’t even realized how many things he wanted to say until he could.

“So.” Renjun fidgeted. “Do you want to talk? About any of it.”

Maybe speaking the words would clear his head about some things. Jaemin resettled into the couch. “You probably noticed something was weird at the party, right?”

Renjun shrugged. “You don’t usually blow up like that, so yeah.”

“It’s not like I mind talking about sex, exactly.” Jaemin played with the hand still holding his. “But it feels like I’m hiding something whenever we talk about it. I wouldn’t mind, except … well, it’s like what I ended up saying at the party. It feels like everyone has ideas about sex, like what you should or shouldn’t do, how many people you should be having sex with and when, and they already think I’m sleeping around just because I smile at people, I guess? The whole thing makes me uncomfortable because everyone has this image of me when I’ve certainly never done anything to earn it.”

Renjun cocked his head. “You’re definitely not someone who plays around, is that what you mean?”

Jaemin shook his head. “I’ve never had sex. I don’t really intend to, either. I don’t think I’m sex-repulsed, more like indifferent? But I’ve never been sexually attracted to another person and I definitely don’t want to just “try it out,” but sometimes it feels like if everyone knew that, that’s all they’d say.”

Renjun’s face went through several stages of surprise. Jaemin watched carefully, but he never looked upset, or worse, disgusted. “Who’s they?” Renjun’s voice was as gentle as the hand he kept on Jaemin’s knee. “Our friends?”

“General they. With our friends it’s just me being a coward.”

Renjun frowned at him. “You’re not a coward for being anxious about something. Don’t you tell all the people who write in to you the same thing? “Sex is complicated and confusing,” I remember you told one of them. That goes for not wanting to have it, too.”

That didn’t mean it was easy to take his own advice. Jaemin let his head fall back against the couch. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Can I ask you something?” Renjun scooted closer.

“Sure.”

“You said you’ve never been attracted to anyone,” he started. “Did you mean you’re ace, or was that part of explaining the “I’m not interested in sex” thing?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I’m ace. I just—I don’t really see people like that? So when stuff comes up in conversation it’s mostly just confusing. Never mind the rest of it.” Ace didn’t feel like it covered everything, but he didn’t even know where to start with anything else. Renjun took his hand again. They sat for a bit as Renjun played with his fingers. “Did you know,” he started after a while, “that Donghyuck was my first kiss?”

“He was what?”

Renjun nodded, grinning. “Not in a romantic way or anything. Donghyuck would have told everyone that story a long time ago. We were just trying to figure out if kissing boys was something we both liked.” He looked soft, remembering that time. “So we hid in his room and tried it.”

Jaemin blinked. “I mean, it must have worked somehow, but how did that work?”

Renjun shrugged. “Good and bad. I figured out that I liked guys, but not Hyuck, and he thought the same. But his dad caught us.”

Jaemin winced. “That can’t have been good.” He’d never met Donghyuck’s father, but he had heard the stories.

Renjun shook his head, gaze solemn. “It wasn’t fun. I don’t usually talk about it, but it was what made me realize that you have to be willing to choose yourself. We could have apologized and tried to cover it up, and he might have bought it, but we didn’t. His dad tried to kick both of us out, and that sucked. But in the end, we get to be ourselves now.” He bit his lip. “I’m not trying to preach to you. You should take as long as you need to come to terms with yourself, but I think you’ll be happier when you choose yourself.”

“Is this you being my sounding board?” Jaemin teased.

Renjun shrugged one shoulder. “If you’d like that.”

“I think I would.” Jaemin nudged into him. “Thank you. I’ll try to listen to you.”

“Good.” Renjun ruffled his hair. “You could stand to listen to someone else’s advice every once in a while.”

Jaemin laughed.

Renjun picked himself up off the couch. He paused right in front of Jaemin. “You know,” he said carefully, “that everything you told me is valid, right? You know it doesn’t matter what that “general they” would think of you, what they’d say. You’re you, and you’re perfect just the way you are.”

Jaemin bit his tongue against the emotions that swelled up at that. He pulled Renjun down so he could kiss his cheek. “Thank you.” He let go. “Don’t let me keep you from more snacks.” Renjun left for the kitchen. Jaemin let himself soak in the moment. 

***

Renjun nudged Yangyang out of his way with his foot. It was just the two of them, Jaemin, Chenle, Jisung, Yukhei, and Kunhang at lunch. Jeno had used a flimsy excuse to get away and taken Mark with him, Donghyuck was studying and forcing Dejun to help him (not that much force was needed). Jaemin and Jisung had tucked themselves into a corner of the table to talk about something. Jaemin had his head down on the table, listening to Jisung with the most affectionate look on his face. He had always had a soft spot for Jisung as long as Renjun had known him. Chenle sat next to Renjun on one side, Yangyang on the other. Yangyang was blocking his view of the burgeoning couple. He nudged Yangyang again. The other boy looked around. Renjun gestured until he got out of the way. They watched as Yukhei tried to stutter his way through what looked like a confession.

They were too far away to hear anything, but both boys were blushing. Kunhang put a hand over his face. Yukhei started talking faster. Kunhang put his hands over Yukhei’s mouth and started talking himself.

“What do you think they’re saying?” Yangyang whispered.

“You don’t have to whisper, they’re too far away to hear you,” Chenle said.

“It feels like a whispering moment, okay! What do you think they’re saying?”

Renjun cocked his head. Kunhang dropped his hands from Yukhei’s face. They were both still blushing, but it seemed to be going well. “I think Yukhei was trying to confess and Kunhang took it away from him.”

Chenle clapped gently. “Good for him. I don’t think Yukhei-hyung would be the best at that.”

“Really?” Yangyang glanced between them. “He usually seems suave, though.”

“Not in front of his crushes,” Renjun snorted. “I remember this one time, a couple years ago, he tried hitting on this classmate he liked. She thought he was trying to ask for help with his homework because he flubbed it at the last minute.”

“Huh.” Yangyang waited while Yukhei fumbled his way through what looked like a question. “I still get it mixed up, how long you’ve all known each other.”

“That’s because it _is_ very confusing.” Chenle leaned over to pat his knee. “Don’t worry. You’ll get it eventually.”

“Chenle’s my baby cousin, so we’ve known each other the longest. Jaemin and Jeno have known each other since they were little,” he waved to where Jaemin was petting Jisung’s hair and talking while Jisung made faces, “and they picked Jisung up in school. Donghyuck, Mark, and I are childhood friends. We met Jeno, Jaemin, and Jisung in high school. Yukhei, Dejun, and Kunhang transferred in our last year of high school. You’d have to ask them exactly how they know each other.” He shrugged. “And you know when you showed up.”

Yangyang laughed. “I’m gonna have to write it down.”

“Do that later.” Chenle pointed. “More important things now.”

Kunhang grabbed Yukhei’s wrist and did a little hop to kiss him. Yukhei pulled Kunhang back in for another kiss. 

“Okay, that’s enough.” Renjun covered Chenle’s eyes. “No more voyeurism for you, little cousin.”

“Hey!” Chenle fought off the hand, but the kissing had stopped. He huffed. “That was rude. I’m done with you.” He got up to stalk over to where Jisung sat and presumably start complaining. Jaemin looked around. Renjun waved him over. Jaemin left the youngest two chatting and made his way over. Yukhei took Kunhang’s hand to lead him back to their group. 

“We’re, uh,” Yukhei coughed. “We have to go?”

Renjun and Yangyang smirked at him. “Hot date?”

“Something like that.” Kunhang dragged Yukhei to where they had left their bags and passed Yukhei’s over. “So don’t bother us for a couple of hours.”

“Have fun!” Jaemin waved them off. “I must have missed a lot while I was talking to Jisung.”

“What did he want, anyway? Or is it private?”

Jaemin shrugged. “Just some general complaints. Did one of them finally confess?”

Yangyang nodded. “Yukhei tried, but we think Kunhang took it away from him.”

Jaemin laughed. “That’s cute.”

Renjun leaned on Jaemin’s arm. It hadn’t escaped his attention that the “ask Nana” Renjun had helped with came out in the paper yesterday. “Do you think Yukhei reads the school paper?”

Jaemin raised an eyebrow. “You think he took Nana’s advice?”

“Maybe.”

Jaemin hummed. “It would be nice if he did. Maybe we can ask.”

Yangyang was watching them. Renjun raised an eyebrow. Yangyang just grinned and flopped over both their legs. “Jaeminnie, tell me a story.”

Jaemin laughed. “What kind of story?”

Yangyang shrugged. “Renjun says most of you met in high school. What was that like?”

Jaemin laughed harder. “Oh, that was fun. I didn’t meet Chenle until later, because he and Jisung were still in middle school, but the first day of high school I walk in with Jeno to find this one,” he patted Renjun’s head; Renjun swatted at the hand playfully in preemptive revenge, “engaged in a death match with Donghyuck while Mark kept score.”

“It wasn’t a death match,” Renjun complained.

“It sure looked like one.” Jaemin patted his head again. “But it was cute, once we understood what was going on. Mark had to tell Jeno it wasn’t real before he calmed down, though.”

Yangyang sighed. “I wish I could have seen that.”

“Oh?” Jaemin grinned down at him. “Do you think my roommate is cute, Yangyang?”

“Yes.” He pouted. “But I think I scared him off.”

“What did you do?” Renjun flicked his arm. “Jeno’s finicky about boys, you have to be careful.”

“I don’t actually know!” he flung his arms up and rolled over their legs a couple of times. “We were fine, and then he stopped talking to me as much? And I'm pretty sure he just made sure not to come to lunch because of me.”

Jaemin hummed. “I’ll talk to him. But just—you have to be gentle with him at first.”

“I’m trying.” Yangyang glanced back up. “Is that the end of the story?”

“Oh.” Jaemin giggled. “No. So they finish the death match and Renjun gets up off the floor and sees us.”

“Shut up.”

“I haven’t said anything yet!”

Renjun grumbled. This wasn’t his favorite moment to relive. 

“Anyway,” Jaemin continued even after Renjun pinched him. “Renjun gets up, sees us, and his face goes completely red, but he acts like nothing happened and just comes to introduce himself. But I had to ask what the boy on the floor had done to deserve that.”

Yangyang sat up. “What did he say?”

Renjun groaned.

“He said, and I quote, 'breathe'.”

“Listen,” Renjun whined. “He was pissing me off.”

Jaemin snorted. “I imagine so. But anyway, then he introduced himself and I decided I had to keep him.”

“That’s cute,” Yangyang cooed while Renjun tried to fight down a blush. He was pretty sure he knew how Jaemin meant that, and it wasn’t the way anyone else would. “Is he your bodyguard?”

Jaemin looked down at Renjun. “Are you my bodyguard?” His stupid eyes practically twinkled.

Renjun pretended to think. “You need a bodyguard?”

“Maybe.”

“Then maybe.”

Their laughter attracted Chenle back again, dragging Jisung with him. Jaemin pulled them into the pile, and they spent their break cuddled like that.

***

Jaemin startled out of typing up his column at a knock on the door he’d left open. Which, now that he thought about it, was a stupid idea in the copy room everyone used to print their drafts. Renjun smiled at him. “Am I interrupting?”

“Only technically.” Jaemin waved him in. “How did you figure out which room I was in?”

“I asked in the main room and they told me you were hiding in here to finish something up?” Renjun came over to the desk. “Do you not like writing in public?”

“No, they’re just too distracting today.”

Renjun grinned. “Yeah, I got that impression. I didn’t realise the team was that big?”

“It’s not, really.” Jaemin shrugged. “Jaehyun and Kun like to hang out here because they’re friends with the team, but they don’t work here. Ten, Sicheng, and Johnny are all photographers, Taeyong is the editor, and the rest are writers.”

“That still sounds bigger than I thought.”

“Oops?”

Renjun laughed. He peered at Jaemin’s computer. “Are you answering questions?”

“Yeah, I’m just typing up what I worked on before and trying to edit it.” He let Renjun poke through his things and stretched. Renjun glanced at him briefly. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

Renjun just watched him. What was he looking for? Jaemin tried to smile. “Why do you keep this anonymous?” he waved around. 

“The column? I feel like it’s more authentic if the audience doesn’t know who I am. They might ask or respond differently if they knew they were talking to Na Jaemin, not Nana.”

Renjun cocked his head. “What about us? You already give us advice all the time anyway.”

Jaemin set his chin on Renjun’s shoulder. Renjun had been going through his ‘nana notes’ on questions he liked and potential answers. He liked being able to show someone—to show Renjun, who always had an interesting perspective. “Honestly? It’s similar to the other things I’m not telling them. Our friends ask me for relationship help when I’ve never done a lot of the things they’re wondering about.” He pointed at the papers. “So do these people. Would they want my advice if they knew that? With our friends, I feel like I’d have to explain all of it if I explained some of it, and I’m not ready for that yet. I don't even get all of it.”

Renjun ran a hand through Jaemin’s hair. “That’s fair. But I’m sure people would still take your advice if they knew. It’s good advice.”

Jaemin laughed. “Thanks.”

They rested like that for a bit. It was nice. Jaemin didn’t even startle when Taeyong walked in and almost jumped out of his skin.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Taeyong put a hand over his heart. “I forgot you were in here, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He sat up but didn’t move back. “Does that mean you didn’t meet Renjun?”

Renjun and Taeyong both shook their heads. “He wasn’t there when I went looking for you,” Renjun added.

“Right. Well, Renjun, this is Lee Taeyong, the paper’s editor. Hyung, this is my friend Renjun.”

Taeyong beamed and came over to shake Renjun's hand. “Oh, it’s so nice to meet you. We were all a little worried when Jaemin wasn’t getting any visitors, and he told us no one knew about him working here, but it looks like things have changed?”

“Yeah.” Renjun glanced at Jaemin, gaze twinkling with something happy. “I'm here to make everything better.”

“That’s great.” Taeyong bounced a little. “How long have you known each other?”

“We went to high school together.” Jaemin stood to grab his notes. “By the way, I’m done with this week’s column, do you want it now?”

“Sure.” Taeyong stepped out of the way as Jaemin reached around Renjun to print the document from his laptop. He slid around both boys to pull the sheets from the printer.

“Oh, is that why you hide in here?” Renjun asked.

Jaemin put the sheets in a folder before he handed them over. “Yeah, it’s convenient.”

Taeyong took the folder. “Thanks, Jaeminnie. Did you want to introduce your friend to the rest of the group?”

Jaemin packed away his laptop and papers. “You met them earlier, would you like me to introduce you properly?”

Renjun thought about it. “Sure.”

They were probably going to tease him, but as Jaemin grabbed Renjun’s hand to go introduce him, it seemed to be worth it.

***

Dear Nana,

My friend is very worried about what other people think of him. I wish I could take away some of his stress, but since I can’t, I want him to know that he’s doing his best and I love him. Do you have any encouraging words for people in this position?

Sincerely,

_A Friend_

Dear Friend,

I'm so glad you asked! It's really hard not to care about what people think of you. That's something I worry about, too. But ultimately, the only opinions that matter are the ones that can help you grow. If you're afraid someone won't accept you, that's valid, but there are two options there. The first is that you're wrong and they will. Which is great! The second is that they won't. And if they don't accept you, then they don't deserve an opinion.

I hope your friend knows that you love him, and I hope he knows that I love and support him. And to anyone else who needs this, I love you and I support whatever you need to do.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin tried to hold in his laughter as Mark whined at him about Jungwoo for what felt like the hundredth time. Renjun, next to him, was covering his face. Donghyuck wasn’t even trying to hide his laughter. The others watched like they were at an intense tennis game.

“Please.” Mark pouted. Donghyuck snorted.

“Okay, hyung.” Jaemin patted Mark on the head. “I’ll introduce you to Jungwoo … if you come to the news office with me to visit them.”

Mark groaned.

“You’re cruel.” Yukhei shook his head.

Jaemin shrugged. “I just think that he should make an effort if he wants to get anywhere. What are you going to do after I introduce you, then? If you can’t even do that. I want things to go well for you, but you need to be willing to talk to him, you know?”

“I.” He sighed. “That is a good point. I will talk to him. I’m just shy about going up to the building?”

“Hmm. Maybe we can work up to it?” Jaemin propped his chin on his hand.

“Jaemin?” Jungwoo paused by their table. Jaemin bit back a smile at the shock on Mark’s face. “I thought I recognized you from over there.”

“Hey, hyung.” Jaemin got up to greet Jungwoo. He hugged Jaemin. “What are you doing on this side of campus?”

“I just wanted something from the library.” He glanced at their table. “Is he okay?” Mark still hadn’t gotten control of his face.

“He’s fine, don’t worry. He was just asking about you, actually.”

Mark started mouthing “no” but this was what he had asked for. “This is Mark, the friend you asked about before.”

Mark was bright red as he stood to greet Jungwoo. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

“You, too.” Jungwoo moved away from Jaemin. “Jaemin’s mentioned you before.”

“He has?” Mark glanced at him in panic. “I mean, h-hi.” If possible, he blushed harder. “I hope t-they were good things?”

Jungwoo smiled at him. “They were.”

Mark just about broke down after that. Jaemin stepped in to give Mark a break. He introduced Jungwoo to the rest of his friends. Since Jungwoo had met Renjun before, they easily began chatting. Jaemin put a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “Take a breath, he’s not going to kill you.”

“You don’t know that!” But he did as Jaemin said and slowed his breathing until the color on his face returned to normal. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Just talk to him like he’s anyone else.” Jaemin shrugged. “He knows you’re my friend, he called you cute once, just don’t pass out and you’ll probably be fine.”

Mark glanced up at him. “Do you really think so?”

What was he supposed to know about crushes? But he didn’t want to say that. “I really do. Okay?”

Mark took another deep breath. “Okay.” They went to join the others, and this time Mark didn’t look like he was going to pass out quite as bad.

***

Dear Nana,

I need some help. I’m not the best at flirting, and my crush is completely oblivious. I don’t think he notices that I’m trying to flirt with him (which is half on me because I have evidence that it’s not my strong suit), but I don’t think it’s hard to see that I like him? I just want him to look at me differently, but I’m too chicken to just say that I like him outright. Do you have any advice for how I can get his attention? 

Sincerely,

_Bad at Flirting_

Dear Bad,

Flirtation is all about communication and showing interest. It’s just that so many of us have different ideas of it and are afraid to show that genuine interest in case we scare someone off. If your crush isn’t noticing what you’re trying to show him, you need to change your tactics. You don’t have to confess if you’re not ready, but try being a little more direct. Ask to spend time together alone, and make sure he knows how much you want to spend time with him. Make it clear when you ask about things he likes that you’re doing it because you want to know more about him. Work up to telling him how you feel.

Good luck! I believe in you!

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin found out that Dejun had been reading the student newspaper when he changed his methods of flirtation—actually talking to him directly.

Jaemin hid a smile in Renjun’s shoulder when Dejun produced two tickets to the new History of Dance exhibit at the local art museum and asked Donghyuck if he wanted to go. The rest watched with bated breath—the last time he had invited Donghyuck somewhere it hadn’t ended too well.

Donghyuck eyed him. “Why that exhibit?”

Dejun bit his lip. “Because you like dance? And I like—history, yeah, so I thought it would be a good way to spend time together?”

Donghyuck cocked his head. “You know what.”

“What?” Dejun looked half-hopeful, half-terrified.

“I’ve been wanting to go see that.” He tapped the tickets. “I’ll allow it.”

Dejun clapped. “Great. This weekend.”

While they made arrangements, Renjun leaned up to whisper in Jaemin’s ear. “Do you think he realizes that Donghyuck hasn’t actually made his mind up yet?”

“Oh, he’ll figure it out by the time the exhibit’s over, I’m sure.” Jaemin bit his lip. “I wonder if that will make him actually say something?”

“Probably not. This is gonna take a while.”

Jaemin caught Jeno watching them. Jeno pointed at Donghyuck and Dejun. Jaemin nodded. Jeno put a hand over his mouth, but couldn’t hide his amusement, either. “Jeno thinks so, too.”

Renjun glanced over and had to look away before he started laughing. They changed the subject in order to get through lunch without upsetting someone.

***

Jaemin was lying around on Renjun’s bed with him, watching a movie in his dorm, when the topic of lunch came up again. “Can I ask you something?” 

“You can ask me anything,” Renjun echoed his words without looking around. He paused the movie.

“Can you tell me what the point of flirtation is?”

Renjun laughed gently. “Didn’t you write out the answer to that flirtation question that got Dejun to try asking Donghyuck out?” Which had almost worked; they spent a lot more time together, even if Donghyuck hadn’t made up his mind.

Jaemin shrugged. “Yeah, but … okay, it’s not like I can’t recognize flirting when I see it. I get that Dejun isn’t great at it, and that what he thought was a good job only really worked because Donghyuck was considering him anyway. I know that I come across as a flirt, but I also know that it’s not with the same intent? If that makes sense. And a lot of people seem to get that. But I just don’t see the point of doing it the other way.”

Renjun turned over so he could face Jaemin. “Well, I think a lot of it does have to do with sex, which you’ve already said is a little outside your wheelhouse. The rest of it, like you said in that question answer, it’s about communicating an interest in people.”

“Hmm.” Maybe it was the interest itself? Jaemin almost always got questions describing crushes, but had never really known what to do with the butterflies they described. “I think maybe that’s what confuses me? I don’t even really know what a crush feels like …”

“Maybe.” Renjun propped himself on his elbow. “A crush is—when you think about this person, you want to see them, and they make you smile, but it’s more than that. There’s this tingly feeling you get all through your body but especially in your stomach.”

“That sounds painful.” Jaemin wrinkled his nose. Lots of people made him smile, but tingling didn’t sound very fun.

Renjun laughed again. “I mean, it can be. But the crushing part is nice, most of the time.”

“Hmmm.” Jaemin flopped to the mattress. “I understand what you’re saying. I just don’t get it for myself.”

Renjun cocked his head. “Have you ever considered that you might be aromantic?”

Jaemin sat up. “What’s that?” It sounded vaguely familiar.

“Someone who is aromantic isn’t romantically attracted to people, the same way someone who is asxeual isn’t sexually attracted to people.” Renjun played with Jaemin’s hair. “After we talked about you being ace, I wanted to do more research and I stumbled into it. I read that the two often coincide. It sounded like things you’ve said.”

“Oh.” _Oh_. “Do you mean like someone who doesn’t want a romantic relationship? Or someone who doesn’t get crushes?”

Renjun shrugged. “A combination? There was a lot of information online, and it sounds like everyone is different. Which makes sense, because people are like that.” 

Jaemin nodded slowly. “I think that sounds like something I would want to look into.” Could it be an answer? Those butterflies Renjun mentioned made an appearance, but they felt more like moths. Big ones. 

Renjun smiled. “You don’t have to make any decisions now. It’s like you keep telling people, there’s plenty of time. You don’t have to use it just because I suggested it. But it’s something to think about, maybe?”

Jaemin nodded. “That’s true enough.” It was definitely something to ponder. He thought about it as Renjun turned around and restarted the movie, and even after, when he was home in bed.

He couldn’t fall asleep. Jaemin sat up. Maybe he just needed some answers. Jaemin felt around his darkened room until he found his laptop and took it back to his bed. He typed “aromantic” into the search bar and started reading.

***

Jaemin passed the news team on his way out of the building and had to stop. “Jaemin-ah,” Jungwoo pulled Jaemin back toward him. “Can I ask a favor of you?”

“Of course, but I have to meet my friends.” Jaemin wrapped an arm around Jungwoo’s shoulders to pull him along. “Come with me?”

“That was actually what I was going to ask you about.” Jungwoo fell into step with him. “I’m curious about your friend. Can I come with you?”

“I just said you could.” They started down the sidewalk. “Why wouldn’t I want you to come with me?” The flowers were in full bloom today. “Besides, you’ve already met them, I’m sure they’d be glad to see you.”

Jungwoo laughed. “Right. Of course.” They cut through the arts building. The huge concrete block of a building had a small courtyard cut into the center where the art students displayed their sculptures. They also painted the walls, but Jaemin wasn't sure if that was official or just graffiti. 

“So, you’re curious about Mark?”

“I am.” Jungwoo brushed a flowered branch out of his way as they passed by some trees. “He seemed nice before and I want to know why he keeps staring at me.”

Jaemin snorted. “I’m a good friend so I can’t say the words, but is it really that hard to tell why he’s staring at you?”

Jungwoo grinned. “Maybe not, but I’d like to get him to say it.”

He laughed as they made it up to the open lawn by the student services building. Everyone had managed to gather today; Jaemin looked for Renjun, but found Mark instead, sitting dead still by the tree staring at them approaching. The group sat in a vague circle under the trees dotting the lawn. Jaemin led Jungwoo over to Mark and Renjun’s tree.

They sat in the space Renjun had probably left for Jaemin, Jungwoo next to Mark. Jungwoo asked about the book Mark was reading. After a breath or two, Mark looked ecstatic to show him. Renjun patted Jaemin’s knee, but seemed to tell that Jaemin wasn’t in a mood for talking.

Watching Mark made having a crush seem sweet. He seemed to have so much fun just showing Jungwoo his engineering book. Jungwoo probably didn’t have a crush in return yet, but he seemed to be enjoying himself as well. Jaemin turned to settle his bag by the tree.

Renjun had chosen well, setting them against the tree; Jaemin had a good vantage point on the rest of his pining friends. At least the babies remained unbothered. Jisungie played a game on Chenle’s phone next to Renjun. Yukhei and Kunhang were talking about something, probably completely innocent, but they had somehow managed to make each other blush. Also cute.

Dejun appeared to be trying to impress Donghyuck by analyzing his star chart. Donghyuck looked amused, but Jaemin knew him well enough to spot the fondness underneath. That was actually sweet to watch. Next to them, Yangyang stared at Jeno watching Jisung and Chenle play.

Jaemin leaned back against the tree, Renjun warm against one side, Jungwoo against the other. His flirting friends made a show he was deeply invested in—interesting to watch, he wanted them to do well—but not something he needed to participate in. It seemed like so much effort. Renjun leaned on him. Jaemin peeked to find Renjun half-asleep. He patted Renjun’s head and let him nap. This was his best place.

***

Dear Nana,

I have a little dilemma. I have a thing for bad boys—not the asshole boys who cheat and the whole stereotype, but this chaotic kind of boy who tends to run wild and leave me behind. I don’t want that to happen again, but there’s this boy I can’t stop thinking about. He seems really nice, but so have the others. And he’s in my friend group. So this all makes me think I shouldn’t go near him, but the other day he did something very sweet and I realized I might be in deeper than I thought with this boy. What should I do?

Sincerely,

_Tired of Being Hurt_

Dear Tired,

I’m sorry you’ve been hurt like that before. If it’s happened multiple times, I see why you’re wary of it happening again. But if you have this much of a crush on him, there’s probably a reason. Here’s my thought process. He’s in your friend group, which tells me your friends think well of him. He’s been nice to you and presumably others around you, which tells me he seems to be a good person. And you had a heart squeeze when he did something sweet, which tells me you want him. You know him and yourself better than I do. From what you’ve said it sounds like you want to go for it, but you’re scared because of what’s happened in the past. It’s completely understandable to be cautious, but please don’t rob yourself of something that could be wonderful because you’re afraid. Is he interested in you? If he is, talk to him about why you’re scared. Are you wondering whether to approach him at all? If you feel ready, try interacting with him in a new way. I support you whatever you decide.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin had to grab for his notebook when Jeno dropped to the couch next to him. “What’s up?”

“We still have, like, ten minutes before the guys come pick us up.” Jeno pulled his knees into his chest. “I have a question.”

“Okay.” Jaemin set aside his books. “What is it?”

Jeno put his chin on his knees. “What do you think of Yangyang?”

Oh, was it finally time for this? Jaemin turned to sit against the arm of the couch. “I like him. He’s a nice guy, if a bit wild at times. Are you trying to ask me my opinion of him, or of you hitting on him?”

Jeno choked. “I never said anything about hitting on him.”

“You didn’t have to, I have eyes and I know your type.” Jaemin poked Jeno’s arm. “He’s a good guy. I wouldn’t have made friends with him if he wasn’t. Trying again is scary, but you’ll never know if you don’t try.”

Jeno nodded. “Have you ever heard that you sound like the advice columnist?”

Jaemin snorted. If he only knew. “A time or two, yeah.”

“I think you’d be good at that.”

“Thanks.” Jaemin got up when someone rang the bell. “You ready?”

Jeno took a deep breath. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Good.” Jaemin patted him on the shoulder and went to answer the door. Donghyuck, Renjun, and Yangyang waited at the door. “Where are the others?”

“Well, someone was running late.” Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “Probably because Yukhei and Kunhang wouldn’t stop making out. They were supposed to get Dejun first, so those three are just going to meet us there. I think Jisung’s already at Chenle’s place?”

“Makes sense.” Jaemin stepped back with the door. “Do you want to come in, or should I drag Jeno out?”

“Just get Jeno,” Renjun suggested, while Yangyang stood suspiciously silent. “Donghyuck’s annoyed enough that we’re in a bit of a hurry.”

“There’s no need to drag me.” Jeno appeared at Jaemin’s shoulder, pulling on his coat. “I’m ready to go.”

“Great.” Jaemin pulled the door closed behind them. “Let’s get going, then.”

Jeno sidled up to Yangyang as they walked down to the parking lot. “Hi.”

When Yangyang blushed a little, Jaemin knew they were in for an interesting night.

***

Renjun lay against Jaemin’s side on his couch. They had been doing this more and more often since Renjun had become his secret keeper. Jaemin lay with his eyes closed, a little smile gracing his face. If he didn’t know better, Renjun would have thought he was asleep.

“You really like this, don’t you?”

“Like what?” Jaemin didn’t open his eyes. He radiated so much heat, even just lying there.

“Cuddling.” Renjun indicated where Jaemin’s arm wrapped around his waist. “Lying together like this.”

“Ah.” Jaemin nodded. “It’s really nice. Comforting. Makes me happy.”

Glad as he was to hear that, it only fed his dilemma. Renjun shifted. He hadn’t intended to do anything about his feelings, even before Jaemin confirmed that he was aromantic, but this new closeness—was it just because Renjun knew Jaemin’s secrets?

“Is it just the contact?”

“What do you mean?” Jaemin cracked open an eye.

“I mean …” Renjun sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. “I don’t know how to describe this. I guess I’m asking if you’d want to do all this with any of our friends?”

“Hmm.” Jaemin frowned contemplatively. “No, I don’t think so.”

Renjun almost fell over. “Really?”

Jaemin nodded. “I like skinship, sure. But this?” he waved between them. “You don’t see me doing this with just anyone, do you? You’re special.”

Renjun cocked his head. “Special how?”

Jaemin shrugged. “I don’t know? You’re just special.”

Renjun hummed. He set his head back on Jaemin’s chest to listen to the steady beat of his heart. The racing of his own probably wasn’t a good sign for his sanity.

***

“Hey, Hyuck?” Renjun called from Donghyuck’s bed. Donghyuck was another lucky one, sharing an apartment with Mark close to campus. Mark had been spending a lot more time away recently, ever since Jungwoo started talking to him, so Renjun had taken to hiding out here when he needed to think.

“What?” Donghyuck called back.

“Can I ask you something?”

Donghyuck popped back into his room. “It must be serious, if you’re asking if you can ask instead of just throwing the question at me.” He set down a bowl on the bedside table and shoved Renjun over so he could climb back in his bed. “And not even fighting me on that, wow.”

Renjun shrugged. “I just have a lot to think about.” And Donghyuck’s Michael Jackson posters made good company, since they couldn’t talk back.

Donghyuck poked his cheek. “What’s up?”

Renjun bit his cheek. How much could he even say? If he let slip it was Jaemin he ran the risk of revealing too many secrets. Maybe being vague would be enough? “Jaemin and I have been closer recently.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Donghyuck flopped onto his back. “Is this the part where you tell me you’re dating?”

Renjun shook his head. “We’re not dating.” They wouldn’t, but he didn’t want to open that can of worms without Jaemin’s permission. He bit his lip. “I like him.”

“I know.”

“I don’t know what to do about it.”

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow. “Is telling him not an option?”

Renjun shoved him. “Like you’ve talked with Dejun?”

Donghyuck actually blushed. “That’s different.”

“Because you don’t want to admit to liking him?”

He smirked. “Because I know he likes me. I can take my time to decide.”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Anyway. I don’t know if telling him outright is the best idea here.”

“Why? You don’t think he likes you?”

Renjun shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s what’s on his mind right now.”

Donghyuck frowned. “Yeah, he’s looked stressed lately. Has he told you anything? Is everything okay?”

Sometimes, despite holding many of Jaemin’s secrets, Renjun worried that he didn’t know enough to even judge what Jaemin was thinking. Sunlight played over Donghyuck’s desk. He just had to hope it would be enough.

“He’ll be okay.” Renjun rolled onto his side. “He’s working through something. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes. “And you don’t think you’re special to him, if you know what it is he’s dealing with when the rest of us don’t?”

Renjun waved his hands. “I figured it out and asked him about it, so it’s not like he had much of a choice in that.” He shrugged. “He did say I was special, but I don’t know if it’s the same way I think of him.”

It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. But what could he do about it?

Donghyuck rolled until he was practically crushing Renjun. “Listen. I know you’re not telling me something, and it’s probably because of what Jaemin’s dealing with. That’s fine. But I can’t give you the answer to all your problems if I don’t know why you shouldn’t just tell him. Ignore me if you want, but all I can think is that talking to him will let you move forward.”

Renjun tried to wriggle away, but Donghyuck wouldn’t let him. He flopped back to the bed. “Thanks.”

“Sure.”

He stayed stuck under Donghyuck until he got hungry enough to actually kick the other boy away.

***

Jaemin should have seen it coming. He and Renjun had been more obviously close recently, of course their friends would be curious. He shouldn’t have been surprised when they decided to corner him while Donghyuck, Mark, and Renjun were still in their stats class. Yangyang slid over to Jaemin’s side with a wicked grin. Jaemin knew that smile too well; he’d worn it himself more than once. He leaned over, almost putting his weight on Jisung. “So, Jaeminnie.”

“Yes, Yangyang?”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Renjun recently.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “What’s going on there?”

The abruptness of it prickled against his skin. Jaemin shrugged. “I don’t know, we’ve just found some more things in common.”

Kunhang snorted across from him. “Sure, that’s all it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not dense when it comes to the rest of us,” Kunhang waved between himself and his boyfriend, then at Yangyang and Jeno. “You knew about all of us easily. Why are you dense when it comes to yourself?”

What was he missing? “What are you trying to say?”

Maybe he hadn’t been modulating his voice as well as he’d meant to. His friends looked startled. Jaemin picked at his nails.

Dejun put his hands out like he was trying to calm them all down. “They didn’t mean anything by it, they’re just teasing you. You’re perceptive enough to know. If you say there’s nothing going on, there’s probably nothing going on.” He bit his lip. “But it’s true that the two of you treat each other differently than the rest of us.”

See, that didn’t sound too bad. Jaemin cocked his head. “What do you mean by that?”

Dejun flailed. “He’s gentler with you than he is with the rest of us. I’m not saying he’s not caring,” he held up a finger when Jaemin opened his mouth, “but it’s not the same with you as it is with us. And you … I don’t know how to explain it with you. You look at everyone like you’re in love with them, but you gravitate toward him instinctively.”

Dejun had a point. Maybe he should look into it. Jaemin stood. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

He smiled. “I think you answered something for me. I need to get a book from the library. Tell the others I said hi?”

He was gone almost before they could agree. The library would have better resources than his quick searches. Maybe one of those would be able to answer his questions.

***

Jaemin chewed on the end of his pen as he read over his notes. Usually writing things out helped him process, but this relationship stuff was even more complicated than he’d always told people. And all this was assuming that Renjun would be interested in such a thing. What if he had been reading everything wrong and shouldn’t have bothered?

“Jaemin?” Donghyuck waved.

He startled out of his reverie. Behind Donghyuck, Mark, Dejun, Kunhang, Yukhei, and Jeno watched him. He set down his pen. “What’s up?”

“That’s what we wanted to ask you.” Mark peeked over Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

He blinked. “Why would I not be okay?”

Donghyuck pointed. “You’re chewing on your pen. You hate doing that. Stands to reason that something’s wrong.”

He sighed. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking. I’ve got a project.”

Dejun sat in front of him. “We don’t want to push you, but you’ve clearly been worrying about something for a while now, and it’s not looking like it’s getting any better. Are you sure it wouldn’t help to talk to someone?”

His gut clenched. Jaemin closed his notebook. “I didn’t want anyone to notice.”

They all kind of frowned at him. “We’re your friends.” Mark sat next to him. “We’re supposed to notice these things. We want to help. But you don’t have to talk if you’re not ready.”

Jaemin pulled the notebook toward him. “I’m not, yet.” When would he be? He bit his lip. “I want to figure it out myself first. Then I’ll tell you.”

No one looked very happy with it, but they let him go without asking more questions. He stayed after lunch finished to wallow.

***

Renjun was late to lunch, sure. He’d had Yangyang’s dorm crisis holding him up. That didn’t explain why Jaemin was the only one sitting at the lunch table with a closed notebook resting in front of him and no food.

“Hey.” Renjun stopped by Jaemin, waving a hand in front of his face. “Everything okay in there?”

Jaemin blinked himself out of watever daze he’d been in. “Hi.” He smiled, but it wasn’t his usual “I’m so in love with the world” smile. “How are things at the dorm?”

“It’s fine now. Are you okay?” Renjun leaned in.

He shrugged. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“What kind of thinking?” He gestured around. “Where is everyone? Did something happen?”

“Oh.” He shrugged. “They noticed I’ve been a little off lately? Apparently. They wanted to know what’s wrong. I didn’t know how to tell them what’s actually going on.”

His stomach dropped. “Did you argue?” Jaemin avoided real conflict like the plague.

Jaemin shook his head. “I just said I wasn’t ready to talk about it and that I wanted to figure it out myself first. They left it there, but I think I ruined lunch.”

“I’m sure you didn’t ruin anything.” He tapped Jaemin until the other turned fully on the bench to face him properly. “What’s got you upset? Our friends talking to you?”

He shrugged. “Partly? I think that just added onto it, because I don’t want anyone worrying about me and this is something I haven’t told them anyway.”

“We’re going to worry about you just as much as you worry about us, Jaem. What’s really bothering you?”

Jaemin gripped his knees. “I think I know who I am now, but that was only ever half the problem.”

There it was. Was he afraid to touch? Renjun stepped closer, until his legs brushed Jaemin’s knees. “What’s the other half?” Was he pushing too much?

Jaemin sighed. “I guess I’m wondering why someone would want to bother with me? I don’t want to be alone, I think, but I don’t particularly want sex, I’m not romantic. I don’t even want to change those things about myself, but it’s got me thinking, what’s the point?”

Renjun’s eye twitched. “Hey.” He stepped between Jaemin’s legs to cup his face. “You’re forgetting everything you always tell other people. Why do you always do that?”

He blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You seem to think it would matter to anyone who matters that you’re a little different. Guess what? We’re all a little different. You are the most loving person I’ve ever met. You give so much without even thinking about it, and it worries me a little because you never think it’s enough.” He squeezed Jaemin’s face. “You answer all those letters anonymously because you want random strangers to feel comfortable opening up to you. You help your classmates with projects that should be none of their business asking you about. You make sure all of our friends are communicating and happy. You even.” He laughed. “You sign those letters “love, Nana” and you mean it every single time you say it. And you want to know why anyone would bother with you?”

Jaemin laughed weakly. “Well, when you put it like that.”

“Sounds pretty simple, hm?” He eased his grip but didn’t let go. Jaemin didn’t seem to mind. His gaze was back to that “I’m in love with everything I see” look he often had. Maybe that had been enough? “You don’t want anyone to worry about you.” He couldn’t help but trace the bits of hair just above Jaemin’s ears. “But how can I not, when you shave off a little piece of your heart with each “I love you”?” He sighed. “I worry about what happens when you give too much and won’t let anyone give back to you. Will you try to let us do that?”

Jaemin’s hand came up to cover one of Renjun’s. “I can try.”

Renjun snorted. “That’ll have to do. Just, try not to wonder why we bother with you? I don’t like having to say such sappy things very often.”

Finally, the stars came back into Jaemin’s eyes as he laughed. “I will do my best,” he promised.

“Good.” He stepped back. “Now, did you have lunch?”

Jaemin shrugged. “Not really. I was too distracted earlier.”

Renjun held out a hand. “Let’s go find some food, then.”

And when Jaemin took his hand, something seemed to click into place.

***

Dear Nana,

My friend you encouraged before has been going through a hard time recently. I think he’s starting to figure things out, but it hasn’t been easy. This isn’t really a question so much as encouragement for that person and everyone else who is struggling. And you, too, Nana. You’ve worked so hard. Please, please remember that there’s someone who cares about you and wants you to do well, more than you know.

Sincerely,

_A Friend_

Dear Friend,

Thank you so much. Really, truly, thank you, from both myself and your friend, I’m sure. Please, to everyone reading this, know you have at least one person who cares more than you know. And me, too. I love you all.

Love,

_Nana_

***

Jaemin grabbed at Renjun’s hand before they could go into Kunhang, Yukhei, and Dejun’s shared house. “I think I want to tell them.” It was finally warm enough to go without coats regularly, but he still shivered as a breeze came down the street.

Renjun turned. “Everything?”

He shrugged. “If I manage it.”

Renjun stepped up to him. “Why are you telling me?’

Jaemin gave a crooked smile. “Because I need you to make sure I actually do it.”

Renjun pretended to reach for his neck. Jaemin ducked back. “I’m not going to force you to do something you’re not ready for.”

“I am ready.” He breathed that in. “I am. I just—saying it makes it real.”

Renjun inspected him, and seemed to like what he saw. He nodded. “Let’s go then.” He dragged Jaemin into the building by their joined hands.

Dejun, Kunhang, and Yukhei had pooled their resources to get a house together from the beginning of college. Jaemin would have envied them, but with Yukhei and Kunhang dating now, he imagined Dejun wasn’t in a very enviable position. The house was nice, a little townhouse with several bedrooms on the second floor and a dining room off to the side of the decently large living room. It made for a good hangout space when they wanted to try getting everyone together.

Their friends were already there waiting, couples piled into each other on the couch while Chenle and Jisung sat on the floor and Dejun perched on the arm of the armchair Donghyuck occupied. Mark had invited Jungwoo with him, and they sat in two chairs closer together than Jaemin would have expected to the side of the couch. Jaemin gripped Renjun’s hand tighter as they found their own seats on the other side of the couch. It felt like being on the other end of an interrogation, which was his own fault. It made sense, since he’d called them all out.

“Hey,” Mark waved. “How’s everything going?”

“Good.” It was, actually, despite the nerves. Jaemin glanced between Mark and Jungwoo obviously. Mark waved him off.

“So did you just call us out for fun, or did you have something specific in mind?” Donghyuck seemed a little frustrated.

“I had something specific in mind,” Jaemin admitted, “though I didn’t decide for sure until a few minutes ago.”

Mark tossed a pillow at Donghyuck. He stuck out his tongue, but shut up. “Are you ready to talk now?”

Jaemin nodded. He tried to breathe through his nerves to find somewhere to start. “I’m not sure where to start.” Renjun still held his hand, resting both hands on his knee. The weight comforted him, even if it didn’t give him any answers.

Renjun poked him with his free hand. “Start with you and work from there. The rest is basically tangential.”

“Right.” He took a deep breath. Maybe it was cowardly, still, but it was easier to keep his gaze on his hand holding Renjun’s while he did this. “I’ve been trying to figure things out for a while. I haven’t been completely honest while I’ve been doing it, but I think I’m ready to talk now.”

He dared a glance up, but everyone seemed willing to listen rather than ask questions. Renjun squeezed his hand. He took a deep breath. “I’ve known for a while that I’m ace, but it’s been a longer process to figuring out that I’m also aromantic and becoming ready to talk about that.”

He took another peek at the room. Donghyuck looked like he was achieving enlightenment. What did he know? Next to him, Dejun smiled. Jungwoo and Mark, too, looked happy. Kunhang looked more curious than anything else, Yukhei seemed to be holding back questions, Yangyang looked a little confused but willing to go with it, and Jeno—his roommate was grinning like he knew something. Jaemin would have to grab him later. Then there were the babies. Chenle sat awaiting more information, but Jisung looked lost.

“What’s aromantic?” Jisung put up a hand. “Actually, what’s asexual?”

He wanted to coo, Jisung was so cute, but it wasn’t the time. And those questions, at least, he could answer. “They’re similar things. Asexual means that I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. I don’t particularly care about sex, either. Aromantic means that I’m not romantically attracted to anyone.”

“Okay, but what does that mean?”

Jaemin cocked his head. “You remember when these two,” he waved between Yukhei and Kunhang, “were being really obvious about liking each other? And you were asking me about it?”

Jisung nodded. 

“That crush thing—the blushing and the butterflies and the wanting to see just this one person all the time because you like them so much—that they’ve got for each other? I don’t feel that. Ever.”

“Oh.” Jisung nodded. “That actually explain a lot.”

“Does it really?”

Donghyuck was glancing rapidly between Jaemin and Renjun. “Is that why you kind of went off at the party?” he asked. “When Sungjin asked you about how many people you’d had sex with?”

He nodded. “The alcohol didn’t help, but yeah, I was just fed up with then whole sex thing. Particularly because people seem to insist on thinking that what I see as friendly gestures must be flirtatious signs of promiscuity?”

Mark frowned. “Does it make you uncomfortable when we joke about that? Or even just, like, sex in general?”

“No, no, it’s not like that. You don’t assume that I sleep with a bunch of people just because I’m nice to them, and decide that means something about me.” He laughed. It came out bitter. “It’s funny because I’ve never even had sex, so every single assumption they make is completely wrong.”

“What?” He couldn’t tell who spoke as several of his friends tried to speak over each other. Jeno eventually clapped a hand over Yukhei’s mouth, which cut the noise in half. Jaemin sat very still. Renjun squeezed his hand again.

“Sorry, sorry,” Yangyang waved the others down. “I think we’re all just surprised because you definitely sound like you have experience when you give people advice.”

He shrugged. “I am a reasonable and logical person. Most of the advice I give is just the logical thing to do.”

“That’s true.” Yukhei got Jeno’s hand off his mouth. “But I’m pretty sure this has come up in conversation before?”

He breathed out the last of the jitters. It felt good to finally get one of the weights off his chest. “Yeah, I usually just deflect when people ask me about it. Refer back to the stupid reputation thing.”

Mark was still frowning. “Why didn't you tell us … I mean, I get you were still figuring things out and you wouldn't be ready to talk about it, but like the sex thing. We wouldn't judge you for that.”

He shrugged. “I know that but it's tied in with everything else that I wasn't ready to talk about.”

“Like what?” Donghyuck asked.

Jaemin glanced at Jungwoo. He seemed to have an idea of what was coming, but Mark was still clueless. Jaemin appreciated that. He crossed his legs. “Do you remember how I never want to talk about my internship?” Everyone nodded. Renjun leaned against him. “I run the “ask Nana” column.” Jeno looked like he was biting his tongue. Jaemin definitely needed to talk to his roommate later. “I’ve wanted to keep that quiet because I want people to feel comfortable sending questions in anonymously rather than specifically to me, but I held back from telling you because it was all tied up with the rest of this for me. I felt like if people knew it was me, they would make assumptions based on my reputation, which I still had because I hadn’t come to terms with myself.” He shrugged helplessly. “So I just didn’t say anything. I’m sorry for keeping it from you all.”

“So that’s how you know Jungwoo.” Mark glanced between them. “I thought it was odd that Taeyong-hyung would just introduce you to the news team.”

“I mean.” Jungwoo laughed. “That is what happened. He just showed up with this kid one day and said “hey, look, I found us a good writer” and we kind of adopted him.”

Jaemin made a face. “I’m not a kid.”

“Sure.” Jungwoo laughed harder at the look on his face.

“Wait.” Dejun smacked his knee, looking mildly offended. “Does this mean I sent in a question about flirting to someone who doesn’t even know how to flirt?”

“So that _was_ you.” Renjun giggled into Jaemin’s shoulder. “I thought it was a little odd that I got a question about flirtation so close to certain other events.”

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow at Dejun. “You asked Jaemin for help wooing me? Really? The boy who doesn’t date?”

Jaemin snorted when Dejun turned red trying to defend himself. “He’s not the only one, I’m pretty sure half the room has taken advice out of my column one way or another, whether you sent in questions or not.”

That set off a round of trying to figure out who had read or sent which question. Donghyuck only said he knew exactly which question it had been and dodged Dejun’s further enquiries to stare at him and Renjun. There were more questions waiting, but this wasn’t the time to answer them, with Renjun still laughing into his arm and his friends so happy for him.

***

Renjun pored over one of Jaemin’s papers as Jaemin scribbled notes. He had the best vantage point, pressed against Jaemin’s chest between his legs. It had taken some time to realize that Jaemin’s arms were long enough to reach around Renjun if he sat like this, so he could work and Renjun could watch. It had quickly become Renjun’s favorite position to lounge on Jaemin’s couch in. He reached to trace Jaemin’s signature near the top of the page: _Na Jaemin_. “Can I ask you something?”

“I’ve told you, you can ask me anything,” Jaemin sounded distracted, but then, he was still writing out some notes.

“Yes, but you’re working.”

He laughed. “Yes, but you’ve already interrupted by asking if you can ask.” He finished the sentence he was writing and set down his pen. “What’s up?”

Renjun tapped the ‘Na’ in his signature. “I forgot to ask before. Obviously Nana comes from your name, but why does no one call you that? You don’t seem opposed to nicknames usually.”

“Oh.” Jaemin dropped the papers to the table and wrapped his arms around Renjun. “It was something my grandma used to call me. I think she called my grandfather that, too? When they first met. I don’t remember exactly, but I did something that reminded her of him, so she started calling me that. When she died, I didn’t really want it to become a commonplace nickname, so I didn’t let it come up.” He waved at his papers. “I needed a name for the column that no one would automatically connect with me, and the name always had loving connotations, so it seemed fitting.” Jaemin laughed. “Though Jeno says that’s how he figured out it was me, eventually. I forgot he’d met my grandmother a few times.”

Renjun needed a moment to gather his words. “That’s about the most ‘you’ thing I’ve ever heard.”

Jaemin giggled. “Honestly, I’ve missed it, being called Nana. I’ve been trying to avoid the name as much as possible because of the column, but I don’t think I care anymore.”

“Hmm.” Renjun tapped one of Jaemin’s hands in thought. “You could let our friends go at it, I’m sure someone would be glad to pick it up.” He’d be the first to, of course.

Jaemin shook his head. “No, I think it’s still a special kind of nickname, not for everyone.”

“What do you want to do, then?”

Jaemin leaned sideways until he could look at Renjun. “I think I’d like it if you called me Nana.”

It felt like Jaemin had knocked his breath out. Renjun coughed, trying to get it back. He had to know, right? Jaemin wasn’t so oblivious that he would say something like that without considering how the consequences. “Nana,” he tried it. Two little syllables that meant so much more. He twisted to get Jaemin’s face in better view. “Do you know I love you, Nana? Is that why you asked?”

Jaemin beamed. “I think I had a feeling,” he said slowly. “But I asked because you’re special, and I want you to call me Nana. When you say you love me, how do you mean that?”

Now or never. Renjun turned more fully on the couch so he could bring his hands to Jaemin’s face. Jaemin didn’t seem to mind. Renjun bit his lip. “I hope this doesn’t freak you out.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you could tell me that would freak me out,” Jaemin said seriously. “Just tell me.”

“I love you,” only the second time he said those words and he never wanted to stop, “not just the way I would mean if I said it to any of my friends. When I say I love you, I mean I’m in love with you. I told you before that I worry about you not getting back as much as you give to people. I want to give you what you give to everyone else.” He stroked Jaemin’s cheek with his thumb, since he’d gotten this far already. “I never meant to tell you, because I know how this might sound. I’m not asking for anything from you, I hope you know that. I just want you to know that you deserve all the love.”

Jaemin smiled up at him, stars in his gaze again. “I know you're not. The person who got me to understand who I am wouldn’t push me into something that isn’t for me.” He cocked his head, leaning into Renjun’s hand. “Are you sure you want to bother with me? I remember what you said last time I asked, but that’s general. Are you very sure that you want your person to be someone with such an ambiguous understanding of relationships?”

This again. Renjun squished Jaemin’s cheeks. “Are you really gonna make me say it again? Do you think I care about that? I care because I care about you, sure, but if you think loving you means I want you to change a single thing about you, you don’t know me very well. You look at the whole world like you’re in love with it and everything in it. Do you think it matters whether you can look at me the same way I look at you? I just want to love you; I’ve done that long enough without you ever knowing, do you think this would change anything?”

“I’m glad.” Jaemin inspected his face, though Renjun had no idea what he was looking for. “I’ve had the hardest time trying to understand what’s going on with us, because I know something’s different with you. You keep saying I’m in love with the world, and you’re not wrong. I do love the world and everyone in it, but you’re my home.”

Oh, that almost made him cry. “What does that mean for you?” Renjun tried to tamp down on the excitement that tried to course through him. Jaemin seemed very calm. 

“I did a lot of reading, when I started trying to figure this all out.” Jaemin brushed a bit of Renjun’s hair out of his eyes. “I found a lot of discussion about how aro people navigate relationships and different kinds of attraction. Have you ever heard of a queerplatonic partnership?”

Renjun shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I hadn’t either. All the reading I did seemed to agree that people are different, like you told me once. Some people don’t want relationships at all, some people get into romantic relationships despite not having that kind of attraction, the way some asexual people decide to have sexual relationships, and some people like a middle ground better.”

“And that’s queerplatonic?”

Jaemin nodded. “The name is almost self-explanatory, except it’s actually not very well-defined. It’s not a romantic relationship, but it’s not a typical friendship. It’s … well, it’s a lot of what we’ve already been doing recently.” He took one of Renjun’s hands and held it up, lacing their fingers together. “Cuddling all the time, holding hands, spending so much time with each other and sharing secrets—things that might go with a romantic relationship, but without that intent.” He grinned. “The internet called it a ‘zucchini.’”

“A what?”

Jaemin shrugged. “Like, couples call each other honey and darling and so on, so someone tried to come up with something non-romantic and ended up with zucchini.”

Renjun squeezed Jaemin’s hand. “Are you asking me if I want to do that with you?”

“Is that something you think you’d want to do?”

Renjun grinned. “You’re kidding, right? I told you I’m in love with you thinking you’d say “oh that’s nice.” He stroked Jaemin’s face again. “If being connected to me that way would make you happy, then I would be honored to be your zucchini.” He giggled. “Even if the name is a little silly.”

Jaemin giggled along with him. “It is, isn’t it? I like it, though”

“Yeah.” Renjun let go of Jaemin’s face, finally, to settle against his chest. “So what do you want out of a ‘zucchini’?”

“Are you asking me what I’m comfortable with?” Jaemin seemed amused as he shifted them down to lie on the couch. “I think the physical affection part is obvious. I told you, I think we’ve already been acting like it for the most part.” He shrugged. “Anything else, I think we can figure out as we go?”

“Hmm.” Renjun let himself drift into the conversation as they continued. It was so warm here with Jaemin.

***

Jaemin practically skipped on his way to meet Renjun for their first outing since the big talk. He wasn’t sure if they should call it a date. They weren’t dating, they weren’t just friends, but both of those groups went on dates. Maybe Renjun would know? He dodged around a corner to get to Renjun’s dorm.

Renjun waited on a bench reading the school newspaper. Jaemin trotted right up to him. “Hi.”

Renjun grinned up. “Hello there, Nana. I was reading your column.”

“Oh.” He bent to look. “Is there anything good in there?”

“There’s a lot of good.” He closed the newspaper to set it aside. “But that’s not what I want to focus on right now. Give me a hand?’

Jaemin used the hand Renjun held out to pull him up and into a hug. As always, something settled at the affection. “So what do you want to focus on?”

“Right now? This.” Renjun’s ears were a little pink. Oh, Jaemin enjoyed that. “I wasn’t expecting you to get even more affectionate.”

“I am an endless well of affection.” He set his chin on Renjun’s head. “I’m just allowed to use it all on you now and not worry about complaints.”

He could feel Renjun’s smile against his chest. “Yes, you are.” He pulled back to take Jaemin’s hand. “That’s something I wanted to talk about, actually.”

They started walking. Donghyuck had recommended the art museum’s exhibits after going with Dejun, and it wasn’t far from campus. Jaemin swung their joined hands. “About what?”

Renjun rubbed his thumb over Jaemin’s knuckles. “Your endless well of affection and how far it extends physically.”

They got away from the campus buildings and turned onto the street that would lead to the museum. Jaemin held up a tree branch so it wouldn’t hit either of their heads. That careful phrasing was suspicious. Jaemin bit back a grin. “Are you asking me if I’m comfortable with kissing, Injunnie?”

Renjun blushed. “Maybe. Don’t tease me, how am I supposed to know if I don’t ask.”

Jaemin swung their hands harder. “You wouldn’t, I’m not trying to tease you. I just thought it was cute how careful you’re being.”

Renjun shoved into his side, though not hard enough to knock him anywhere. Jaemin laughed.

“So?”

“Hmmm.” Okay, it was a little fun to tease him. “I have kissed people before, you know?”

“What, really?” Renjun pulled up short at the corner. Jaemin stopped before their hands could pull apart. They waited for the light to change.

Jaemin nodded. “Not that it ever went anywhere, but yeah, a few times. It was nice. I like kissing.” He thought about it. “Probably I would like kissing more with someone I have genuine affection for, too.”

Renjun glanced at him. “That’s good to know.”

They got into the museum and headed into the exhibits, making conversation about whatever they saw. The dance exhibit wouldn’t open for a few minutes, so they ended up in the paint hall.

“I have another question,” Renjun murmured as they stood in front of a large painting of children playing in a pond. “You’ve kind of answered it generally, but I feel like I should ask.”

“Okay?”

Renjun played with his hand. “Part of how you explained being asexual to me was that you were relatively indifferent to sex. I know you told our friends that things like sex jokes don’t make you uncomfortable, but is there anything in that realm that does? I don’t want to accidentally make you uncomfortable.”

“Hmm.” Jaemin linked their hands. How to explain it? “I don’t think I’m sex-repulsed in the way some people mean it. Like, the idea of sex itself or representations of it aren’t upsetting to me. Some of those jokes are just distasteful and I get fed up.” He bit his lip. “There’s something about actually wanting to do it that I’m not sure about? I’m just generally not that interested in the activity, but I don’t know if I would hate it.” He shrugged. “I guess I’d have to try to know.”

“But the question is, do you want to try?” Renjun poked him. “I don’t want to accidentally pressure you to do something you would be uncomfortable with.”

Jaemin tugged on their hands until Renjun stood with his back to Jaemin’s chest and he had to let go. He back-hugged Renjun, resting his chin on his head again. “You’re not going to do that.” He let the idea settle. “I think things like this are a process. I know I trust you. I know if there was anyone I’d be willing to try something like that out with, it would be you. If you’re asking whether I’d be upset over you being attracted to me, I’m not. I don’t think it’s something I want to test out now, but if I ever do, you’ll be the first to know.”

Renjun laughed gently. “Good to know.”

The exhibit opened after another few minutes. It was just as much fun as Donghyuck had said, moving through with Renjun and pointing out the things they both found interesting. Renjun tugged him down as they stood at the street corner after leaving the museum. He leaned up, whispered, “I want to test something,” and brushed his lips over Jaemin’s. He had been right, kissing was nicer with Renjun.

***

Jaemin rested his chin on Renjun’s shoulder as they watched Donghyuck, Mark, and Yangyang squabble over whichever game they had decided to play on the lawn. Their boyfriends couldn’t be bothered to interfere. Renjun was a warm, comforting weight in his lap. His friends were happy. All was right with the world.

***

Dear Nana,

I wrote to you a while ago about not being comfortable with the way my friends talk about sex. I’m coming to realize that I may not identify the way they do. I’m much happier with the labels I’m choosing for myself, but this has been a long process, and it’s scary to think about telling my friends. I wanted to tell you because you’ve been supporting me through these letters more than you realize, probably. I think this is the last thing I really need you to tell me; will I be okay?

Sincerely,

_Growing up_

Dear Growing,

I’m so very proud of you for taking this step. I’ve been going through a process of growing myself, right along with you. It can be scary, but I promise, it feels so much better to let yourself be who you are. It will be okay. It may not be easy in the beginning, but I swear, it will be so worth it. I’m so glad I’ve been able to support you, and I hope my words can do the same thing again. I love you more than you realize.

Love,

_Nana_

**Author's Note:**

> Sungjin was not intended to be a reference to Day6 (i happened to like the name when I pulled it out of a generator), but if you read him that way, I hope you still enjoyed it. 
> 
> Who else do you think wrote the questions👀?
> 
> This fic deals with topics that are important and personal to me. If any part of this resonated with you, I am so glad. If it did not, but you feel you learned or considered something new, I'm very glad for that, too. Please come talk to me about it~


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